iohelix

So baby Skye is about 5 weeks old. What a month it’s been! We’re still trying to figure it all out, since it has turned out to be only an inkling of what we though it would be. We love her to pieces and adore her to a fault. But there’s no denying it, it’s really challenging. Mostly the lack of sleep and the fussiness. If these things were not present, there wouldn’t be anything bad about parenting. She is also very needy and clingy. I guess this is to be expected as she knows nothing of this new world of hers. But when she’s not sleeping, she basically needs to be held the entire duration she is awake and also needs to fall asleep in someone’s arms. So when she is asleep, I have the choice of napping too, or trying to pump or do something productive around the house. Even returning a phone call takes effort and planning. We don’t really have a sleep regiment set up either, making it difficult to deal with the impending nights day after day. We’ve tried sleeping in basically every room of the house, with her on my chest or in her crib or pack-n-play or bouncy seat. The problem lies in being there within a time window where you can feed her when she’ll go right back to sleep afterwards, or be awake for another 1-2 hours, or scream at the top of her lungs. But there is no comfortable place for me to sleep where I can be right next to her when I can be there for this window, without waking Benjam. I already feel bad for needing him so early in the morning. But I don’t pump from midnight to 6am. If I don’t start at 6 though, I’m afraid my supply will start to diminish. Every time I pump I swear it will be the last though because it’s somewhat stressful trying to always fit it in when Skye needs something at the same time I need to pump. We really feel like it is the best gift to give her right now and Benjam wants to feed her boobie juice until 6 months. But it is so time consuming and seems so counter productive when I just give her a bottle right before or after I pump a bottle full. I really wish we had the energy to try and train her to the breast, but it seems so daunting and challenging, with no guarantee’s anyways and she’s always ready to protest with her last screaming breath if she’s not fed right away. This leads to hours of screaming and is avoided at all costs.

Other than these challenges, we can’t keep our eyes off of her and her ever changing face and body. She’s already 8+ pounds and has a few rolls developing on her legs, arms and face. At least she’s healthy, what else could we ask for! She’s more and more alert between naps and feedings. She can hold your gaze and has just begun to look curiously at books and toys. She can grasp slightly, but I don’t know if that is her intent or not. She still plays with her mouth and tongue a bit and makes silly cute faces. Her arm and leg reflexes are still out of her control and you can just see her little synapses firing off and trying to grow. She also likes to pee/poo when you change her diaper, making us use 2-3 diapers when we really only need to use 1. And today when I was talking and singing to her and showing her toys and books, I could see her trying to figure out how to form a smile with her entire face. It made me so excited for when she does it for the first time, on purpose, in response to something we do. Sometimes I feel like we don’t enjoy her enough and only stress about our crazy schedule. When she is sleeping peacefully is when we really emit most of our love. So I hope she’s not getting only the stressful energy but the huge amounts of love we have for her as well. But, things are starting to get better, if only for the fact that we are used to it by now and the limits she has and how to read her little bit better every day. Also, Benjam and I are starting to remember that we are married and the other one is still here, albeit just going through the motions. Next week is our third anniversary and we are going to spend it at a hotel with grandma Veda watching the home front. We also need to implement a date night, since baby Skye demands both of us throughout the entire day, that sometimes we barely have time for a good night or good morning kiss. It is quite the sweetest thing ever though, seeing the two of them together.

I look back at her day of birth pics and can’t believe she’s already grown and changed so much. It only makes me more excited and anxious for the next stages when she will be able to respond and interact more. OK, well she’s squeaking and stirring herself awake so I better go get her bottle ready or try and fit in a pumping session. But Oh, how in love we are.